Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Swinging Ponies

A little bit ago I wrote a post about the Things I Love.  Clearly, I was on some corny, sentimental, "my life is great and I'm running through a field of daisies" type high.  Just for proper balance and for the sake of keeping it real I decided I'd share with you a few things that really, really irritate me.

1. Bicyclists who ride their bikes (full speed) on city sidewalks-FAIL. You know, the sidewalks where pedestrians walk because they don't feel like getting hit by cars? In college I was run over by one of these cyclists. I won't go into excruciating detail but let's just say I learned the value in using more than just a couple bobby pins to secure my (fake) ponytail. There's nothing more humbling than having to search for your hair on a busy college roadway after being plowed down by a neurotic bicycle freak. No, I'm not bitter at all.

2.  Indecisive drivers-FAIL.  Darn it, if you're going to turn left then turn left!  

3.  When my kids misbehave in public and I am trying my best to maintain my composure and ward off the evil stares of old hump-backed, crinkly women-FAIL.  This is especially stressful because if you don't discipline your children, you're a terrible mother and if you discipline, you're a terrible mother--I can't win.  Luckily, I have learned to stop caring and have mastered the ancient West African technique of administering the "evil" eye-WINNING!

4.  My kids asking, "why?"  It's always at the end of the day when my nerves are shot and my patience tank is running on empty.  This is when I employ my Mommy-007 tactics and resort to pure and unadulterated bribery.  "If you stop talking, mommy will bring you home a surprise tomorrow!"  *insert squeals of excitement (mommy) and complete silence (kids)*.  

5.  And last but certainly, most definitely NOT least, I should have actually put this at the top of my list, the "ponytail swing."  *GASP*  I cringe when I see it, I want to punch something, I want to yell out of my car window at the top of my lungs, "STOP SWINGING YOUR PONYTAIL!"  For anyone who does not have an unhealthy hatred towards the swinging pony, please watch this brief (thank goodness) video and be informed.  Spread the word to pony swingers everywhere that WE THE PEOPLE will no longer tolerate swinging ponies!

And if you're wondering if my disdain for swinging ponies has anything to do with the previously mentioned lost ponytail incident, the answer is no.  I have harbored a hatred for swinging ponies since early childhood because it looks ridiculous! 

Keep in mind, this post was written somewhat tongue in cheek.  I'm really not this irritated all of the time, promise.  I only feel this way on days when hormones are raging, my husband makes me mad, my kids exhaust me, I'm too hot, I'm too cold, or life in general just gets hectic.  So basically I'm pretty much like this all the time.  

What bugs you?

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